When Forgiveness seems Imposssible.

When Forgiveness Feels Impossible

It’s so hard to forgive sometimes—especially when you feel like you didn’t do anything wrong, or when you realize you were being set up by the enemy and ended up playing right into his hand. They tried to get you to feed their ego or do their bidding. Or, you simply didn't understand what the expectations were. Either way, when you didn’t respond the way they wanted you to, they lashed out.

Or what if you were the one to spit your 'poison' onto them and expected them to respond with loving-kindness? But when they spit it right back, the poison spread until it became seemingly unrepairable. Sometimes we fail to communicate that we desperately need understanding and compassion. And because they are already dis-functional, they see our mess as a threat. That's the kind of scenario that requires us to go to our brother and ask them to forgiven us and try to reconcile.

And, when those same people are being celebrated by others, it can leave you feeling isolated and alone. It really hurts. I know!

It’s so much easier to forgive them when the person apologizes, asks for forgiveness, and shows genuine change. But when they don’t—and they continue the same behavior—it’s so much harder to let it go.

When this happens, I’ve learned to try and see the person through the lens of our Heavenly Father. They are still a child of God and a work in progress just like we are. I picture them as they really are—beneath the facade they try so hard to maintain. On the outside, they might look happy and put-together. But on the inside, they’re walking around with wounds they’ve carried for years, maybe even since childhood. Those wounds have created deep insecurities within them.

I imagine them with cuts and bruises all over their body, and their face is marred and twisted. They’re bound by chains of bitterness and grudges, weighed down by heavy burdens they can’t seem to let go of. And now they’re walking around with weapons in their hands, lashing out at anyone who gets too close. If they can’t hurt you directly, they’ll try to dump their burdens on you instead—hoping to feel some kind of relief. But every time they do, they just pick up more. They’re a complete mess.

When I see people this way, it’s easier to have compassion and empathy for them. It’s easier to forgive when you realize they’re hurting too. Hurting people hurt others. That doesn’t make it okay for them to wound you—but it does make it easier to release the offense. Because holding on to it only keeps you bound in chains too. And we don’t want to face the same consequences.

Let’s not forget—our Heavenly Father won’t forgive us if we refuse to forgive others according to Matthew 6:14-15 "If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins." And if we’re not forgiven, does that mean we become unredeemed? Yikes. I don’t even want to think about where I would end up!

As I walk through my own process of forgiving, I know there’s still work to do. While I’ve forgiven, there’s still a residue of pain that needs healing. There are people I thought I had forgiven simply because I didn't see or think about them anymore. As I've been processing this, the Lord has brought them to my attention and I realize there's still work to do. So I’ve been writing down their names and what specifically hurt me. I want to make sure every stone is turned, every wound is acknowledged, and every offense is released. Forgiveness is a process—just like peeling back layers of an onion, and one I’ll need to revisit often to truly stay free.

The truth is, we have opportunities to get offended every single day. I want to develop the discipline to recognize the enemy’s trap at the very onset of an offense. I want to hold up my shield of faith so that the arrows aimed at my heart hit it and fall to the ground.

I once heard someone say, “Dead men don’t get offended.” That comes from Romans 6:11: “Likewise you also, reckon yourselves to be dead indeed to sin, but alive to God in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

Some wounds still hurt. But the pain softens when we turn it into compassion. If someone hasn’t changed and is still swinging their weapons, don’t keep putting yourself in harm’s way. Love them from a distance. Pray for them. Release the offense and ask God to heal the wound.

Do it every day if you have to—until one day, it’s completely gone. There's no more pain.
You’re free.

1 Peter 4:8 "And above all things have fervent love for one another, for "love will cover a multitude of sins."